It’s National Infertility Awareness Week

Hi friends,

I hope you have all been doing well since my last note.

We have been SUPER busy at REBOOT the past few months + have some amazing things happening. But that’s not why I’m writing this note today. Today, during National Infertility Awareness Week, I’m reflecting on my journey through infertility.

Here are my stats…

5 yrs TTC. 3 IUI. 3 IVF. 3 FET. 3 M/C. 2 D&C. 2 beautiful girls.

This note has some details in it, not too hairy, but thanks in advance for reading about my experience.

So, How Do I Get Pregnant??

The world of infertility sort of crept up on me + my husband. We were both busy building our careers and a house we completely renovated on our own. Life was pretty nice, until we realized our chances of building a family naturally may be closing in on us.

I recall not being quite sure where to begin, as I had very little knowledge of “how to get pregnant” that ended pretty much with “have sex.”

Well, that didn’t work.

At a family gathering one holiday, one of my sisters-in-law announced her pregnancy + after some prodding, she shared a book with me called, “Taking Charge of Your Fertility.” It was great. And I did all the things it suggested.

Well, that didn’t work.

In 2012, I decided to talk to my GYN. I didn’t actually have one at first, as I hadn’t been to a gynecologist since college. So I had to go find one. She gave me some clomid, various hormones, told me to have sex, then went out on her own maternity leave. I did everything she suggested.

Well, that didn’t work.

Hello, IVF

The pic here is me in 2014. I was about 20 weeks pregnant with my first daughter via IVF. This picture instantly brings a smile to my face whenever I see it. And then, the memories that flanked this pregnancy come flooding into my mind.

I didn’t have the picturesque experience of naturally conceiving my daughters. I didn’t have the surprises, the wonder, the excitement of the unknown. My experience was pretty scary. And sad. And full of medical intervention.

I didn’t know any better and thought IVF was my only choice.

When I look at this picture, I see what preceded the smile on my face.

Complete ignorance on how to prep my body for conception
Countless rounds of hormones including the dreaded clomid
Unsuccessful and in my opinion worthless rounds of IUI
TONS of labwork that my insurance didn’t cover
My first IVF cycle that was a complete failure
Intralipid infusions, progesterone shots, creams, estrogen patches, hormone injections to manipulate my cycle
Lots of heartache + tears

Thankfully, I experienced sheer joy with my second round of IVF + with bringing my first daughter into the world. (The birth story is a WHOLE different ballgame and I’ll chat about that s***show another day). Enough joy to catapult me into trying for a second child…

So I come back to this picture. I see three subsequent successful IVF rounds (FET these rounds) that ALL ended in miscarriage. My first miscarriage was at twelve weeks + was one of the most physically and emotionally painful experiences of my life.

Round Six + Taking Charge

But then…my baby.

I finally advocated for myself with my final round of IVF. Until that point, I sort of went along for the ride. My doctor, who is brilliant, developed a plan and I jumped in. Her plan in this final round was to use my last frozen embryo (from the same group of embryos I had miscarried). I, however, decided to do a final fresh transfer. That meant…a full IVF cycle including egg stimulation, all the meds, prep surgeries, all the hormonal emotions, intralipid infusions, progesterone shots + creams, estrogen patches that burned my skin.

Overall, this was the easiest round of IVF I had had. After all, I was a pro with five other rounds under my belt. I knew how to do the injections + knew how my body would respond. But, I also planned the round differently based on research I had been doing during the year of miscarriages in 2016. Some of the things I finally changed during stimulation included:

Weekly acupuncture
I did not fear running
I started yoga at home
Supplements were added
My diet became super clean + plant rich (it was already pretty clean, though)
I had QUIT my terrible, no good, very bad corporate job
I was having fun raising my oldest daughter
I was open about my experience with infertility + started working as an outpatient therapist with women experiencing infertility

At retrieval, and at 36 years old, I was shocked the doc was able to get 40 eggs. AMAZED. My husband and I were giddy + fantasized about twins and other future siblings for five days while our baby eggs fertilized and grew into blastocysts.

Until transfer day. We walked into the clinic on transfer day to ONE embryo. ONE!!

A SINGLE EMBRYO FROM 40 EGGS.

I was devastated + pretty sure we were destined for failure. But I continued on my course of caring for myself + my body.

Well, it worked.

My second daughter was born in 2017 when I was 37 years old.

Control Amidst Chaos

The main points that often come to mind when I recall this story are the lack of comprehensive education when I was young to prepare my body for conception + the lack of “known” resources when I was actually trying to conceive. I felt like I was swimming in the dark (and, little known fact about me, I don’t really know how to swim!).

Further, though, I think of the way that I stepped in to take as much control as possible in a situation where I had very little. I armed myself with information. I used the tools I had at my disposal based on personal + professional knowledge. I invested in my health.

Yes, I still needed IVF to help me conceive. But I believe I helped that ONE embryo stick!

This idea is one I bring to the table in therapy today, regardless of what the client in front of me is processing through. Find your control. Grab onto something when your world seems as though it’s spinning. It may not completely alleviate what’s going on or problem-solve the situation, but it WILL help.

Unfortunately, there still are not a ton of resources available to women to enhance their fertility in advance of conception or even during the course of infertility. Women have to dig + seek out information. Hopefully, with the help of IVF warriors + professionals, this will change.

I’ve got a few ideas rolling around to someday fill in some gaps. :)

Until then - Take care of yourself. And take care of each other.